To my Morningstar

as i wander through the dark caverns of my bed,

i can visit you

anytime, anywhere. living, breathing, crying, aching.

when i close my eyes, i see you sighing.

i see you, you're looking in the mirror of your cold bathroom.

as you do what you do, do you know this is the end?

those little comforting fractals, killing you inside, claiming what is mine.

what is yours. what are you now?

you close your eyes and think your last thought.

you take your last breath.

you feel your last feeling

what was it?

who should have been there?

do you see, in your mind, what could have been different?

all these monsters we trust, lying, waiting for this moment.

this moment when you look at yourself, in the cold mirror, in your dark bathroom... you blink your last blink.

you finally ask for help... but its too late.

and as you take your last step from this life to the next,

do you know you survive now,

in the dark caverns of my bed.

in my bed, in my head, we can still talk.

rest your head here, love, and be safe and content.

i will keep you warm in these memories.

you can trust me.

in this bed, you are alive and laughing. like when we first met.

sisters forever. sisters to the end.

is what i would have said...

if i didn't exist only in my head.

where was i though? a monster hiding inside her own mind.

where was I? when you took your last desperate breath.

where was i when you took your last step.

did you feel that impact? when you fell for the last time.

what was the impact of my absence.

then again...

it is what it is.

you can have my blanket still. you must have been cold.

come to my bed, come into the warm and welcoming folds.

come exist with me, come sit still. come warm up next to me,

let me feel that familiarity.

but they tell me i must come out of my room, i must bear the sun.

but you are not out there, my love. i can't do this without us.

i am coming out of my room and the light is too much

it cannot compare and i can

this light cannot hide me from everything, from everyone.